Supernatural Randomness
by orange-waffles
Summary: Ever wondered what Sam and Dean do when it snows? What dark secret did Sam and Jessica find out on Valenties? And how can Dean save the land...with Pie on a Stick? You'll have to read it to find out...
1. The Fierce Terror of the Snow

Disclaimer- Supernatural is not mine and so on and so forth.

**The Fierce Terror of the Snow**

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Dean and Sam went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then

they had a snowball fight and Dean hit Sam in his left toe with a big spiky ice ball. It hurt a lot, but Dean kissed it

heartrenderingly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really splendid snow man!" Dean said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Sam said. "That would be more tasty and politically correct."

"I know," Dean said. "We can make a snow koala. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up wolfishly and made a melted snow koala. Dean put on a go-kart for the belly. The koala was

almost as big as Sam.

"It looks jolly," Dean said jubilantly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Sam said and held up a zesty looking pancake. "I found this on a barbeque." He put the pancake onto the

koala's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the koala, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl

like a unicorn frolicking freely through the fields, while the leprechauns slid down the rainbow.

Sam screamed girlishly and ran but the snow koala chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow koala

tickled him melodiously.

"Nobody does that to my little tiddly-wink!" Dean screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow koala through

the nostril. It fell down and Dean kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Sam said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The zesty pancake lay in the yard until a child picked it up and took it home.


	2. To Promiscuously Dance

**To Promiscuously Dance**

Jessica and Sam were celebrating a delicious Valentine's Day together. Jessica had cooked a naughty dinner and they ate

it on a small child by candlelight.

"My darling," Jessica said, stroking Sam's left buttock, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Sam. "It is but a fluffy

token of my everlasting love."

Sam opened the box. Inside was a purring toaster! He gazed at it tenderly. Then he gazed at Jessica tenderly. "It's

squealing," Sam said. "Come here and let me dance with you."

Just then, a mysterious crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a fat woman with a bad haircut. "Your happiness will

not last!" she said in a raspy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Sam read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other, shocked, as the crone cackled some more. Jessica's ear lobe began to tremble. Then Sam

shrugged, pulled out a muffin, and hit the crone on her eyeball. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Sam said and kissed Jessica tenaciously. "This is a spiffy Valentine's Day!"

They burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul. And then they danced with each other all night

long.


	3. The Swift Stranger

**The Swift Stranger**

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Dean strode along the path, making for Lemming Castle

with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the vivacious Pie on a Stick, which no other must

touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Nostrils.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his cuddly rubber duck just in time to face

the tall, dark, and handsome man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck quickly, and Dean barely raised his rubber duck to meet the attack. They fought long and hard until all

the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Dean found himself forced to one knee, the man's rubber duck pressed to his brave neck. "I am Sam of Lemming

Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the vivacious Pie on a Stick. Prepare yourself, for I am about to

send you to the next life."

But Dean had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his rubber duck with a twist, overpowered Sam and

pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Dean said, looking down upon him.

Sam's eyes looked up at him, and they were like pools of mud on a warm day. "I have underestimated you, Dean. I was

sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty."

Dean's compassion was struck. "Ah, my sweet banana!" Dean cried, and pulled Sam up as tenderly as he could.

"Ouch!" Sam yelled. "What the craparoonie is that?"

"Oh," Dean said. "That's where I put the vivacious Pie on a Stick for safekeeping. Sorry."

And so it was that the Wizard Nostrils never got the vivacious Pie on a Stick and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land

and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.


End file.
